


Gone

by 134340inTEARs



Category: IT (2017), IT - Stephen King
Genre: M/M, some byler in the middle
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-04
Updated: 2018-07-04
Packaged: 2019-06-05 07:39:52
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,658
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15165851
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/134340inTEARs/pseuds/134340inTEARs
Summary: Richie left Eddie behind, and things changed.





	Gone

It’s been three years.  
Three years since Richie left Derry to go live with his twin Mike and his family in Hawkins.

When they were children, both were separated and brought to different places so they could never meet each other. But due to what happened with both, they met.  
Their real mom hated the fact she had twins, so she decided to part them, giving them to two different families.

Since Richie hated his sick family, he decided to go to Mike’s, knowing he’d have to leave all of his friends behind, and more importantly, leave Eddie.  
It was hard at first. He spent most of the night’s awake thinking if he made a bad decision. He kept thinking about Eddie, their last conversation and his last expression.  
Eddie cried when he told him he was leaving. He hated him for leaving him behind. 

It was a low move from Richie, Eddie thought.   
He could have just said he didn’t feel the same.  
And Eddie decided to not say goodbye when all of the Losers were there, when Richie left. And Eddie started to hate himself, he should have seen him one last time. He should have said his goodbye. He thought. 

They stopped thinking about each other and began their life without each other, at least they wanted to believe that.

“Richie, wake up! We have school today!” Richie woke up from his dream.   
He, once again, dreamt of Eddie.   
When he noticed, his eyes were wet. “Fuck off.” He shouted back, rubbing his face with his hands.  
Richie sighed and finally left his bed, going directly to the bathroom to wash.  
He looked at the mirror and felt disgusted.  
“Why did I leave you, Derry?” Richie wiped the tears that were falling again.  
He liked Hawkins, he liked Mike’s friends. He liked the adventures and the D&D campaigns that Mike always asked help for.  
But he loved Derry. After all, he lived there since he could remember. He had his friends there. The friends that he always swore he would never leave them, but he did. And he loved Eddie.

 

 _“Please don’t leave, Rich. I beg you.” Eddie was crying._  
 _Richie couldn’t say anything. “I have to, Eds. He’s my brother.” Eddie looked at the floor._  
 _“Yeah, and what are _we_ to you? You have your whole life here in Derry. Are you seriously going to just abandon the Losers?” He couldn’t take it anymore. It was hurting him._   
_“I- I’m sorry, Eds.”_  
 _“Don’t. Don’t fucking call me that.” Richie was shocked. It was a normal thing between them to say that, so he always laughed whenever Eddie would scold him, but in that moment he didn’t feel like it. Eddie was angry, and hurt. “You don’t have the right to do so.”_  
 _“Edd-”_  
 _“Fucking leave! I don’t care!” Eddie yelled before Richie could say anything that made Eddie cry. He turned around and left the boy all by himself. Richie fell on his knees and cried._

Richie supported himself on the sink and cried until his lungs couldn’t take it anymore.   
He grabbed angrily his shirt on the heart’s place, trying to hold the pain he was feeling.  
That was his last memory of Eddie. A serious and hurt expression and his back turned.  
He hurt him, and Richie thought he would never forgive himself for what he did. 

He left his room, came down the stairs and sat on a chair of the kitchen’s table.   
He looked at nowhere, still imagining that scene of three years ago.   
“Richie?” Mike called him. “Are you okay?”  
“Yeah.” He replied not paying much attention.  
“Ready for school?” Mike chose to leave him and his thoughts, he knew he wouldn’t get anywhere if he kept trying.  
“Yeah.” He repeated.

The boys headed to school in silence and only said anything when they were with the party.  
Richie sat on the floor. He looked over the boys and observed closely Mike’s actions towards Will. He smiled to himself watching them. But his smile faded away when a thought came to his mind. 

_They remind me of my Eddie._

He sighed and looked down.  
And that’s how the day passed by, until lunch time, at the canteen.

Richie was eating in silence his broccolis while the rest of the group were talking loudly.   
“Hey, Richie.” Will sat next to him and took his lunch. Richie looked at the boy and smiled.  
“Hey, Will.” He opened his mouth and filled it with rice.  
“Is everything alright?” Will placed a hand on his shoulder, as he always does to show support to someone.  
“Yeah, everything is-” Richie froze when he looked up and saw at the canteen door, someone standing, looking confused at everywhere, until their eyes met Richie’s.  
Will looked at him confused. “Richie?” The boy followed Richie’s gaze and stopped when he saw a boy in the middle of the canteen.  
Richie’s eyes felt teary as he thought it was only an illusion from his mind playing tricks on him, to hurt him even more. He wanted to say something. He wanted to stand up and run into the boy’s body. But he didn’t even flinch.

“Richie? Isn’t that Eddie?” Mike stopped talking with the group and faced a now crying Richie on front of him. _“Oh, no.”_ He only said.

Well, _shit._

Eddie fitted the floor and turned around.

Not again. Richie thought. Not fucking again. 

Richie, using the earth’s power, stood up and ran to Eddie, who was now walking as fast as he could to leave that place.  
“Spaghetto.” Richie yelled and smirked when Eddie faced him.   
They were standing in front of the school, and luckily to them, no one was passing by.  
“Don’t call me that.” Eddie’s words left his lips in a rigid tone. Richie kept approaching him.  
“W-Why are you here?” He stuttered due to nervousness.  
Eddie sighed. “My family moved.”  
“Did you leave Derry? What about the Losers? Did you leave them?”  
“You have a lot to aim for a person who himself left everything behind to be with his _new_ family.” He stated. “The Losers teared apart once you left. The first to leave was Stan.”  
“Oh.” Remorse filled Richie’s body. 

And again, he felt shattered.   
They looked at each other’s eyes and felt nostalgic. It’s been years.  
Although the silence was killing them, looking at each other felt emotional. They missed each other so much it could kill them.

“How have you been?” Eddie swallowed.  
“Fine.” Richie lied. He wasn’t fine. Everything hurt. He missed that boy. “How about you?”  
“I- Yeah, fine too.”   
They’ve known each other for years, but it seemed like it was the first time meeting each other. They found the person standing in front of them a stranger.   
Did they feel the same towards each other? They both thought. 

Days after the happening, Richie couldn’t keep his eyes off of Eddie. Eddie couldn’t take his off of Richie.  
They spoke very few words to each other, but still, once they looked at each other’s eyes, every feeling they hid, came back in seconds.  
Eddie begged to his mom to come back to Derry, but he knew it was impossible and out of question. So he began to cry every night, again, not handling the pain of seeing that boy every single day staring at him as if he was making on purpose to hurt him even more.  
It was hard though, he had to pretend everything was okay in front of his mother. He couldn’t let her know. She would probably send him off to a psychiatrist and that was the last thing he wanted.

Eddie couldn’t take it anymore.

Eddie arrived to school and Richie, standing close to the school’s door along with his brother and Dustin, noticed the small boy approaching them.  
“Hey, trashmouth!” He yelled when he saw the boy who was looking at him, turning around.   
Richie made a shock expression with wide eyes. Why was Eddie talking to him out of nowhere, and like that?   
“Rich.” Eddie pronounced a little softer making Richie gulp to how he called him.   
“Yeah?” Richie was looking at him right in the moment he talked.   
“I missed you.” Eddie smiled for taking the courage of confessing out loud his feelings.  
Richie opened his mouth but didn’t say anything. He wanted to but he just didn’t know how. He never knew how to express himself.  
“I-” Why did Eddie say that out of nowhere, anyways? To make him suffer?  
The boy looked aggrieved at him. 

He just told him how he felt and he didn’t do anything? _Fuck you, Richie._ He thought. 

Richie finally gained a little courage, “I missed ya, too, Eds.” and gazed the floor.  
Eddie didn’t think he would answer.  
Richie lifted his head and smiled with tears in his eyes. “I missed you so much, Eddie.” Eddie took of his glasses to clean them. And Richie missed this kind of affection.  
The bell rang and Eddie said goodbye.

“Gross. You love him so much.” Mike said and Richie’s cheeks were a rosy shade when he remembered the boys were with him the whole time while it happened.  
“Shut up, Mike. You’re so whipped for Will.” Richie smirked when he noticed Will arriving closely right in the moment he talked, making Mike shut him up and Will look confused at them.  
Richie rolled his eyes and decided to leave the party. 

He entered the school hoping he’d see Eddie.  
And he did.  
He saw him down the hallway unlocking his locker.  
He couldn’t do anything but _just_ stare.  
His eyes were glassy and his hands trembling.  
He felt numb. He felt his legs stop working. He suddenly felt so weak he almost fell on his knees.  
He didn’t know what to do.

Eddie was there. He was just standing _there._ Acting as if nothing happened. As if his life was never destroyed. As if he was okay. 

Was he though?  
Maybe he was.  
After all they weren’t in each other’s lives anymore.

But he felt so hurt.  
The sky seemed to get darker than it already was.  
Everything seemed to close against him. The walls felt like trapping him. The people around him felt like they were forcing him to fell unstable.   
And suddenly Eddie looked back and noticed Richie has been looking at the boy in the locker his whole time.  
He froze.   
And the other did too.

What was happening?  
They talked minutes ago, why were they acting like this?

Richie felt his chest hurting.  
Tears suddenly dropped from his eyes and he didn’t even think other people could be staring at the scene.  
He only cared about Eddie.

He started to think of why did he leave him behind?  
Richie remembers why he did it back then. But he finds it so stupid. He wasn’t thinking back then. 

He left the boy, and the Losers Club in the moment his brother, Mike, requested if he wanted to leave Derry and go live with him in Hawkins.

He left because he hated his parents and couldn’t handle more of their shit.  
Richie was so done with everything there.  
He left _because_ he loved Eddie and couldn’t handle anymore looking at him and acting like he was just a friend to him. He always acted different with Eddie. He always made stupid jokes and made stupid stuff just for him. Not for anyone else.   
He loved Eddie so much it hurt him. 

So he needed to run away and he seriously thought that was the best option. Leave everything behind because of a stupid feeling.  
That’s why he was now standing there in the hallway, frozen, looking at the boy he never forgot about and thought he would being so far away from him. 

And Eddie, on the other side, was just like him.  
With his hands, that were taking a book out, trembling.   
With his heart beating a little too fast than what it was supposed to.  
He wanted to cry.  
Even if minutes ago he confessed he missed Richie, and he did, he just couldn’t stare at him.   
Looking at his eyes was worse than anything else.  
He saw Richie adjusting his glasses on his face. Eddie’s tongue licked his bottom lip.

Eddie closed his locker and walked away in a fast pace, hoping Richie _would_ follow him. So he looked back. But he wasn’t. He kept standing there. Looking at him go.  
He looked straight and tears came out of his eyes.

Richie gave up on Eddie. The boy thought.

But Richie, in fact, didn’t.  
So when Eddie wasn’t looking, Richie finally came to his senses and followed the smaller boy.   
“Eds.” Richie called out for him, and the boy looked back, stopping. “Wanna skip class todeh?” And smiled.  
Eddie opened his mouth, shocked. “Y-Yeah.” 

And they skipped history class.   
“I need to tell you.” Richie talked.   
They were sitting on an old brown bench from a little park meant for children the school had behind.   
Eddie couldn’t look at him. “Tell me what?”  
Richie sighed. “The reason why I left.” Eddie swallowed.  
“Didn’t you leave because of your brother and your _new_ family and friends?” Eddie went straight to the point.  
“No! For fucks sake, Eds.”  
“Stop calling me that!” He yelled. They weren’t going anywhere. “What was the reason then? What could be a _good_ fucking reason for your leaving?”  
Eddie was sick of that conversation. He needed it to end soon or else he would freak out and lose his breath.

Richie was silent. _“Coward.”_ Eddie said with tears on his eyes. He was hurting him again.  
“I left because- There were feelings I couldn’t handle anymore. I felt like I couldn’t breathe anymore.” Richie was being serious now and Eddie could tell by his weak voice. Eddie looked at the boy, who was also crying.  
“Your family?” Eddie knew.  
“Also.”   
The smaller was shocked. “Also? Was there anything else?” Richie looked at his own hands and nodded. “What..?”   
“You.” Richie finally said not daring to look at the boy, staring at the school’s windows instead.  
“M-Me?” Eddie couldn’t believe it. Why me? He thought. “Why?” He felt weak.  
Both went silent. 

Eddie kept thinking and thinking.  
Richie felt like he couldn’t do it but he was also sick of having those feelings for himself.

“I left because I couldn’t keep any longer my feelings towards ya, spaghetti. I-” He sighed. “Every time I looked at you, I felt my chest aching. I left like I couldn’t breathe. It was so hard to be the same with the boy I loved. I was, _and_ am in love with my best friend. What the hell, y'know? I fucked up so I _had_ to leave.” He finally let it out, looking at Eddie seconds after, seeing a shocked and teary boy.   
“Why the fuck did you leave, Rich?”   
Richie couldn’t believe him. “I told ya, Eds. I fucked up.”  
“You fucked up when you left!” Eddie yelled at him, crying even harder.  
Richie felt devastated and ashamed. “I know.” He said weak.  
“It would be so easier if you told me.” Eddie was empty back then. He remembered every feeling he had after Richie left him behind. And all was there was vulnerability and abandonment.   
“How?”  
“ _Did_ you ever even thought about my feelings too, Richie?” Richie didn’t. “ _Did_ you know how I felt?” Richie didn’t. “ _Did_ you know-” He stopped for seconds. “Did you know I loved you too, Richie? You considered that?” Richie didn’t. “Fucking trashmouth.” He said honestly.  
Richie was shocked.  
“You _loved_ me, too?” Richie seemed so vulnerable in that moment that it almost freaked Eddie out.  
“No. I _love_ you, too.”  
“Eddie,” Richie cried out. “I’m sorry I left you.”   
“Yeah.” Richie came closer and pulled Eddie to him, hugging and comforting him for the pain both had been through.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading! TEAR.


End file.
